Post Trach Recovery is not Pretty.

Boy, Joey and I have been through a lot. I say "I" as if I have been the one that has undergone trach surgery and being intubated.  He is an extension of me, so I feel like I have been walking through these moments with him. It is definitely hard to watch as his mom. We are almost a week and a half post trach surgery, and I have to admit that I have all these expectations for him to just leap and bound straight into perfect breathing, but the road has not even come close to this. The road has definitely been tumultuous, and even more so now than before he had a trach. In my mind I thought that this trach was all of a sudden an answer to more stabilized support. I have yet to see this.  We have been battling secretions and if anything, we have more desaturations than when he was on simple nasal cannula.  I'm not sure what to think about this new gear.  I know there's a lot of learning in our future. I have learned how to suction him, but it's scary when the numbers are so small and you can barely see. The secretions sound like a train, and I wonder if he will ever overcome them and find a good regimen to manage them well.  I'm scared of changing his trach, and learning how to work his vent. There's not a lot of room for error, and that is scary. I know there's a lot of fear in this entry, but this is the reality of being Joey's momma. We have a lot to learn and to overcome. I'm determined to learn and do this,but I really hope I don't freeze when the emergency happens. Every day I praise God for the day that he has given us, and the manna he gives us to rejoice in this day.

In the meantime, I am so glad that Joey is now awake. He is a happy boy, although he does run out of energy quickly. I hope that this improves the further out we get from his surgery and his body has time to heal. Of course, I pray that his breathing improves and we can get closer to going home with more stability. Often times, I feel like I'm holding my breath with him, but still I am trusting God with all of this that he will improve.  I do enjoy seeing him play and sit up.  He also got to put on some clothes today, so it was nice to see this normal!